I wonder what my mom was thinking on this night 38 years ago. Probably, "Get this thing out of me!" Aside from being tired of being 9 months pregnant, I wonder what she was feeling. I was to be her first child. She likley didn't even know I'd be a girl as they didn't learn the gender before birth back then. Did she have a sense I would be a girl? Did she have an idea of who I'd become? Did she know that I'd reject the name she picked out for me in 30 years and go by "Kaylee" for the rest of my life?
What has Mom thought since that day? How have these 38 years looked to her? I guess I need to ask her to find out, but heck, it is so much more fun to just guess. I'm thinking she has seen a lot of changes in me since birth. I'm certainly taller now. But I figure she might also say I'm very much the same girl I was when I was little. After all, God knit me in her womb to be, well... me. I think Mom probably saw some of the qualities I have been blessed to possess in my being from an early age. And, I bet she'd share with y'all if you care to ask ways that I exhibited then a few of the less attractive traits I still possess today.
So what has this journey of 38 years been about if I am still Kaylee -- the same Kaylee (although Mom called me Courtney) that Mom gave birth to 38 years ago tomorrow? I think it has been about getting to know my Father God, and myself better each day. Life makes so much more sense looking backwards they say and I think "they" are right. I knew God the day I was born, after all, Christ was my first love, but I didn't really know Him or who I was in Him. Each day I learn that a little more -- who He is and who I am in Him. It is an exciting journey of self discovery and God discovery. It is all so much more than I could ever have imagined and yet so much simpler than I could ever have imagined. It comes down to love. The love that created me -- both God's love, and my parent's love-- and the love that sustains me -- both God's love and the love of the family and friends He has surrounded me with.
38 years of discovery and love... that is what my life is thus far. And, to be honest, I'm pretty satisfied with that. Of course, I'm also excited to see what God reveals to me in these next 38.
So, thanks Mom, for enduring the labor pains, kissing the skinned knees, waiting up for me to come home from an evening out with friends, loving me enough to let me move all the way to Austin, and helping me to see not only who I have become, but who I have always been.
And, thanks Father God, for my life, for creating me to be me, for your love, for your ultimate sacrifice, and for loving me enough to share this journey with me.
It's been a really good 38 years!
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2 comments:
I'm glad your mother suffered through it so that we get to have you in our lives!
The post I put up today is not too related, but I thought you might enjoy it as it is a little bit. About Aaron & Jamie Ivey's difficulties in bringing their adopted children home from Haiti. Aaron sang a song that really showed me the love of God for His seperated children. It's the most recent post at www.kingdomcallingadvisors.com
Hope it was a great birthday and brings in a year where you grow much deeper in awareness of the love of your Heavenly Father.
I second that we're grateful to your parents and particularly to God for giving us YOU! Courtney, Kaylee, Sister, Friend...whatever you'd like to be called. you are a blessing to many and definitely to me! Happy Belated!
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